Dear Celtics Players:

You suck.  I'm pretty sure that the Maine Red Claws could defeat you on a TNT Thursday night right now; even if the remainder of your season's salaries were on the line.  You're wasting my time, and the hard earned money of the patrons still attending the Garden for one of your shameful performances in a difficult economy.  You obviously could not care less right now, and the that's the worst part.  The fans are turning on you.  Today you recieved a hefty dose of boos (in the first half!) and they came the old fashioned way...you earned them.  The fans hate you because they love you, and because you have been a black hole for that love.  It's high time that you began giving back, and just a shread of hope would do.  I don't know what is going in that locker room of yours, but it is so clearly a mess with each noggin crammed far up a colon.  I hate you because I love you too, and I am lashing out from that love.  I'm offering up my limited credibility as a metaphorical sacrifice; so that you have reason to rally together against a common and most familiar enemy; the media.

You are a dispassionate and awfully uninspiring bunch, in desperate need of purpose.  I would have thought that playing for us would be reason enough.  Apparently not, and we reserve the right to take it personally.  You see, we earned that right for packing the house when the men in green were a 24-win team.  And if memory serves me right, that team never gave up despite suffering several injuries of their own and an atrocious losing streak.  You know what else?  That team rewarded us with a St. Patrick's Day win against the perenially contending San Antonio Spurs (and draft history sore spot Tim Duncan).  You have given us nothing to hang our hats on, and now we are ashamed to wear them.  You should be too, and the color green removed from your wardrobes.

We have turned our backs on you, halfway through the 4th quarter, for consecutive home games.  You can charge us with fairweather fanhood if you like, but you have let us down repeatedly on our home turf this season, and I'm more surprised by the fact that it didn't happen sooner.  Remember, I hate you because I love you and it is my wish that you band together...and prove me wrong.  Put a picture of my face on a dartboard.  Imagine that I was one of the unanimous ESPN staffers who picked the Lakers in 5.  Understand, for real, that I do not believe for a second that you will be able to escape the first round against a younger and hungier opponent again this season...prove me wrong.

There are seventeen banners hanging in those rafters above you.  Wake up and smell the shamrocks.